Oliver TurnKey's inner monologue.
In the aftermath of the Durst Home my companions and I took some time and settled, partially becoming complacent as we learned as much of we could about the darkness we would be facing. This I have already described. After my last entry while walking the town I encountered an old women vending the most delicious smelling meat pies, only one gold a piece. And I will admit that with the lack of light as well as life in this cursed land I suspected magic, I suspected subterfuge and even poison. I still don't know if I was right or wrong. Being uncertain isn't a condition that I am familiar with as such it has made me very uncomfortable. Reluctantly I purchased six, one for each of my companions and myself and an extra that I passed on to a beggar so I could test it for curse or poison. When the beggar devoured it and continued on his way I assumed them to be safe and free of immediate danger.
I assumed.
Sharing the pies with the others is where our next trial began, and as yet I have no idea exactly what it is that I have done, except fail.
I stopped first by the Inn, delivering pies to Kristoff and Nova. I spotted a fair haired young man nervous about the edge of the room but paid much less attention than I should have to him or my two companions, the other two accepted the pies back at the house, Seldoforyama performed additional checks for poison or spells and we all ate and retired.
That’s when things started going sideways.
There are things that intoxicate. It might be a rich wine, it may be a lover's perfume or a beautiful view. The way that we experience perfection is through our very imperfections, we become dizzy and imbalanced from the first brush and release our inhibitions, our petty concerns are lost at just the first brush, the hint, that drop of blood in the vast ocean of our senses takes our mind and bodies to another place and on occasion it takes us to faraway times as well.
Under ordinary circumstances Tel'Quessir in Reverie enter a perfect state of being, one with the world around us and yet our minds are removed to a tranquil darkness. We do not know dreams as the mortal races, we experience maur which is akin to a dream state, where we can relive past events or remember important happenings.
The night I shared the pies I retired for Reverie and it was not maur that claimed my mind, it was as though someone had looked into my heart and read from its pages my deepest longings and beloved memories, polished them to a bright shine and gave them back to me as one clear story that could break the heart of any man with its perfection.
To say that you must know of what I am speaking is a fallacy. First, you will know sorrow. And not just any sorrow, but the longing sorrow that comes with unfulfillment. Your soul will recall things that not even you can name, and it will want them back again. Sometimes, the old ways become an addiction, with all the problems an addiction brings: estrangement, loneliness, cravings the likes of which cannot be described. I have been alone for so long that the glimpse of menel that I was given consumed me.
Second, you will know confusion. The mind, for all it's wonderful complexities, is also limited by the emotions we experience. You begin to fabricate memories for yourself. The mind has always been able to do this, this power is a sort of magic given to us by the Seldarine as a means of protection. And there are a lot of things in this crazy world to be protected from, even yourself. In my experiences I knew that there was something amiss, they were my memories after all.. How could they feel this wrong? And yet, how could they be wrong when they were all I had wanted in the lonely Aeloulaev that have passed since I was forced from my Queen's side.
And finally, you will know Change. It is said that change is a good thing. Most times, your heart would argue with that. When lovers part forever, that is change and it brings pain and sadness, even if that relationship was bad and breaking up is the good way. It is so with anything else. Your baby turns one, you're happy and sad. After all, although your child is healthy and growing up strong as she should, she is no longer your tiny infant to suckle. There has been a gradual change, and it brought both emotions. I became driven in a direction I should have been wise enough to avoid.
In conclusion, beware the perils of memory. It is a blackberry bramble swallowed path. You're going to be nicked and are bound to bleed. You run the chance of coming away scarred, or your skin becoming too tough to absorb the next lesson. Learn not to skirt these dangers, but look through them and find the berries they protect. Sometimes they can be sour, most times they can be sweet. All will be earned in the right way and will be worth it. Trust your senses, if you have any reason to doubt your eyes, close them.
These are the lessons I have learned in this active dream that took over my reverie. Things that would have saved us all.. Had I not been so completely taken in by its beauty, weakened by the events in the house. I will call it Tel'Coiuva'Kaimela.. whatever spell was used to read my heart and steal my mind... It means the living dream.
